Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Welp...herpes.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
