you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
