we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
