Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
