Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
