Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
