I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
