Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
