checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
