can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
