the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
