I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
