i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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