pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
