so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
