i jhust puked up my retainher.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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