rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
