i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
