forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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