my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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