Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
