Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
