There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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