Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Randomize