Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize