"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
