Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
