My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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