Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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