she woke up with a sticky ear
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
