i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
