how can u be prego again
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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