Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
