So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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