Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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