remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
