Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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