Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize