my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
