Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
