Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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