Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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