I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
