if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
