Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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