God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
