What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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