Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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