Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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