As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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