New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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