During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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