I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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