I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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