I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
