I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
