We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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