Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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