everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
