I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
