New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
