So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
