I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just googled if crying burns calories
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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