I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
