if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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