I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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