we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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