why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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