I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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