So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
