my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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