My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
