She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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