Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Randomize
