Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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