I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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