I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
