Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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