so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
