I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
