We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
