just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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