my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
